He disabled his match.com account in front of me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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