Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think my moral compass just broke
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
