a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
