I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
