im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
