If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
