you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
