So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
