9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This toilet bowl is my home.
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