she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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