i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you win again, gameday.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
