I seem to have left my pride at pride
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
