I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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