I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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