I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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