I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
