Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
