I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
