i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
