Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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