I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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