another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
