i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
