I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
