I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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