I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
