My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
