flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
