So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
