You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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