At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
