Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
