they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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