One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
