i think my tv is drunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
