Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
