i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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