i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
