he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
