you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
