Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
