yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
