i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
