chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
