do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
