He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
