OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
