i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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