I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
