the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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