I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
