I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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