you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
