She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
