Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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