Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
