wat bout pragnant strippers??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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