I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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