Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
