Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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