Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
