I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
