I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
