my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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