Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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